Sweet Savory Sometimes

I don't know what to say sometimes, when I created this post, I really had it all.  A chaotic home, three busy kids, two dogs, a cat, a husband, a dwindling budget and worked a job I hated.  It wasn't the job but the people... that was my biggest complaint. Then my beautiful 17 year old son took his life.  My world ended.  I still am trying to find that axis to rotate again.  All of our lives - were decimated.  A bomb had exploded and we were all mutilated and expected to carry on. I still cannot talk about May 16th.  I cannot go back to that morning when my life ended.  I know, to others, that is not what happened, but for me, the life I looked forward to, complained about, stressed about... was over. I no longer believe in God.  I believe in goodness, I believe in love, but there is no doubt to me - there is no God.  Or if He exists, my life and family do not matter.  I just miss my son.  I will never forgive him for what he has done to me and all of us.  And that is wh